Remembering how faithful God is is truly a struggle for me.
I am constantly disappointed in every little let down I edure.
I am saddened by the thought of never achieving what I dream.
I am baffled that I, so often, forget how good He is.
My life, lately, has been a series of really high highs and really low lows. There has been no in between at all.
I am also in a constant state of questioning what God wants for me. (As if I know what I need... That is laughable!)
God knows the desires of our hearts.
Yet, why do I feel that mine get smashed every month, every turned in project, every paper turned in, etc.
I have been leading an extremely confused life, and yet, the answer is so simple.
Trust what I know to be true.
I know God's plans are grand.
I know God is not hurting me -- my expectations are hurting me.
I know God's love is far greater and much more satisfying than constantly feeling loved by people.
I know that God is faithful.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
praise.
Tonight, I was asked the question, "In your life right now, what would you consider to be a thorn, a bud, and rose?"
Thorn? Okay, well where do I start? Between school and work I feel like I'm drowning; if one more person asks me when I plan on having a baby I may explode right there; I wish I could just be done with school and live in the "real world" and have a "real job"; and the list goes on and on… and on.
Bud? Easy. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. December of this year I will officially be done with college. This summer, I have the opportunity to find an internship doing something I love… So much room for growth. Bud found.
Rose? Uhhh… Rose? Can someone just hand me a rose so that I can say I have found my rose? Well, CrossFit's fun. Let's go with CrossFit.
I was nearly embarrassed at how long it took me to think of a rose in my life, and then it hit me.
I have been in such a negative place that I haven't been giving myself the opportunity to find the things worth praising in my life.
I didn't give myself the chance to see that I have the most supportive and loving husband ever, friends that love me so well, and the sweetest little pup that greets me like I'm the most fun person ever every time I walk through the door.
Positivity and gratefulness has been a definite struggle for me recently, but it wasn't until tonight that I fully realized that all of the negative thoughts that I rarely keep at bay are of satan. I am letting him run my life by simply letting him creep into my thoughts, and I have had enough.
I will praise God through this storm that I feel just won't let up. I will praise him because even though this world can be so cruel, he is so good.
He is showing me that on my own I am weak.
He is proving me that I am strong when I am reliant on him.
I can handle everything thrown at me.
I am a child of God.
I will praise my father because, even in the hardest of times, he is my light.
Thorn? Okay, well where do I start? Between school and work I feel like I'm drowning; if one more person asks me when I plan on having a baby I may explode right there; I wish I could just be done with school and live in the "real world" and have a "real job"; and the list goes on and on… and on.
Bud? Easy. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. December of this year I will officially be done with college. This summer, I have the opportunity to find an internship doing something I love… So much room for growth. Bud found.
Rose? Uhhh… Rose? Can someone just hand me a rose so that I can say I have found my rose? Well, CrossFit's fun. Let's go with CrossFit.
I was nearly embarrassed at how long it took me to think of a rose in my life, and then it hit me.
I have been in such a negative place that I haven't been giving myself the opportunity to find the things worth praising in my life.
I didn't give myself the chance to see that I have the most supportive and loving husband ever, friends that love me so well, and the sweetest little pup that greets me like I'm the most fun person ever every time I walk through the door.
Positivity and gratefulness has been a definite struggle for me recently, but it wasn't until tonight that I fully realized that all of the negative thoughts that I rarely keep at bay are of satan. I am letting him run my life by simply letting him creep into my thoughts, and I have had enough.
I will praise God through this storm that I feel just won't let up. I will praise him because even though this world can be so cruel, he is so good.
He is showing me that on my own I am weak.
He is proving me that I am strong when I am reliant on him.
I can handle everything thrown at me.
I am a child of God.
I will praise my father because, even in the hardest of times, he is my light.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
righteous.
Being a mom has always been my ultimate goal in life. I'm not sure whether it was because my mom was and is so wonderful or if I was just born with a strong maternal instinct, but I know that my sole purpose on Earth is to mother children.
Queue the stress of everyone around me having sweet babes or learning the great news that they soon will have a precious child of their own.
I can't say for certain that Brandon and I are in a season of bringing a babe into the equation, but that doesn't stop me from so strongly desiring that for us.
Without going into too much detail, it has become apparent that God is telling us to wait (or rather providing us with no other option but to wait). And let me tell you, that is the most disheartening bad painful reminder I have ever experienced. Right now, we are in a place of realizing that no matter what we do, it is ultimately in God's hands. (Tough, but needed reminder)
Seasons such as this are tough. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. I am drained.
And I, honestly, could not be more thankful for this season.
I am in need of the reminder that God will always be in control.
I am in need of being broken of desiring things for selfish reasons.
I am not a mom.
Not yet.
And God is still just as good as he was when we hadn't had babes on the brain.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.
Psalm 145:17
Queue the stress of everyone around me having sweet babes or learning the great news that they soon will have a precious child of their own.
I can't say for certain that Brandon and I are in a season of bringing a babe into the equation, but that doesn't stop me from so strongly desiring that for us.
Without going into too much detail, it has become apparent that God is telling us to wait (or rather providing us with no other option but to wait). And let me tell you, that is the most disheartening bad painful reminder I have ever experienced. Right now, we are in a place of realizing that no matter what we do, it is ultimately in God's hands. (Tough, but needed reminder)
Seasons such as this are tough. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. I am drained.
And I, honestly, could not be more thankful for this season.
I am in need of the reminder that God will always be in control.
I am in need of being broken of desiring things for selfish reasons.
I am not a mom.
Not yet.
And God is still just as good as he was when we hadn't had babes on the brain.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.
Psalm 145:17
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