He's here.
My sweet, incredibly easy going baby boy came into this world a little over one week ago.
He is everything I expected and nothing I expected wrapped up into one little package.
I think that's what makes him fun... I had all these hopes and expectations for him, and he is much much more than I ever could have dreamed.
I have had the desire to be a mama for as long as I can remember.
From the minute we decided a little one would be a great addition to our family, I prayed.
I prayed for guidance in how to fuel my body to make it "baby ready".
I prayed for strength when I feared the worst early on in pregnancy.
I prayed for courage to attempt a birth without medication.
I prayed for wisdom in feeding my babe the absolute best for him.
I prayed and prayed, but I have come to realize that I neglected to pray for something more important than anything listed above... Trust in the Lord to remember that He is good no matter what.
In all of the things I was seeking guidance in, I never once sought out the one thing that would get me through anything and everything I worried about for nearly 9 months.
I desired a natural birth.
I desired the ability to breastfeed from the get go.
Those desires were not fulfilled.
I was crushed the day I was told I would have to be induced.
I was crushed when I realized back labor with pitocin was too much for my tired body to withstand.
I was crushed when I received an epidural.
I was crushed when the nurses suggested supplementing and feeding my babe with a premie bottle nipple because he had not developed a strong suck.
I was crushed to learn that I would rely on a pump to feed him until he could suck strongly.
All of the things I so strongly desired throughout pregnancy seemed to just slip away from me within the matter of 48 hours.
It was physically and emotionally draining, and I completely let those feelings overpower my mind and body for multiple days.
Even in all of that, the Lord is good.
While I may not have been seeking trust in him, He led me to trust him.
He has shown me that, above all, my strongest desire was to bring my sweet boy into the world.
He has shown me that he is a listener.
He has shown me that he is faithful.
I have a healthy, sweet little one.
The Lord has given me more than I deserve.
Bennett, you are loved.
