For as long as I can remember, I have been self-conscious. I have been known to literally torture myself to feel like I am good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, etc. All this to say, I just realized that I have been bitter, cold, and shut off to the world. God brought this to my attention over the weekend. This is not to say that I never realized that I had become increasingly closed off, but this revelation I had was unreal. God said to me, "Whitney, look at everything around you. The life you have is good. The friends I have led you to are wonderful. The body you are in is beautiful. You are just as I envisioned. Please love my vision." Seriously. As I pondered these things God was whispering to me, I saw just how reckless I have been with this crazy beautiful life he has provided for me. I have been so down on myself, wishing I had friendships with my friends that they have with others, pleading for a life that never wants for money, dying for the body that every woman wishes to have, crying for a community that never waivers, and I could keep 'em coming. But God has taught me something. God has taught me that each friendship is different for a very specific reason--that's okay, money will come and go--it will never help you become more Christ-like, a perfect body won't fix anything--if anything, it'll become an idol, a community that never waivers would be just plain boring--what is this life without struggles?
God has a funny way of giving us all exactly what we need and revealing his secrets for our lives as slowly as he really needs to. I am thankful that he keeps things a mystery from me--only revealing things as I seek them or desperately need them. Slowly but surely, I am recovering from the punishment I have been putting myself through. God is showing me just what it means to love and be loved unconditionally. I have always felt love from God, but I had still been feeling the need to show myself to him. He is breaking those walls down, and as I watch them crumble around me, I am grateful. I am grateful that I have a God who is patient, kind, gentle, loving, and so much more. I am grateful that I have a God who wants to pursue me as much as he wants me to pursue him.
So, here I stand (or sit behind a computer), rejoicing in the fact that God has not and never will give up on me. (and rejoicing just as much in the fact that he has softened my heart to those I have previously felt like giving up on)
God has a funny way of giving us all exactly what we need and revealing his secrets for our lives as slowly as he really needs to. I am thankful that he keeps things a mystery from me--only revealing things as I seek them or desperately need them. Slowly but surely, I am recovering from the punishment I have been putting myself through. God is showing me just what it means to love and be loved unconditionally. I have always felt love from God, but I had still been feeling the need to show myself to him. He is breaking those walls down, and as I watch them crumble around me, I am grateful. I am grateful that I have a God who is patient, kind, gentle, loving, and so much more. I am grateful that I have a God who wants to pursue me as much as he wants me to pursue him.
So, here I stand (or sit behind a computer), rejoicing in the fact that God has not and never will give up on me. (and rejoicing just as much in the fact that he has softened my heart to those I have previously felt like giving up on)
Life may not always be wonderful, but I will always have a wonderful life. Happy Tuesday, friends!
xo Whitney
No comments:
Post a Comment